


I Can Finally See

by enjolras_lexa



Series: Dear Evan Hansen AU fics [3]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Awkward First Times, Blow Jobs, Body Dysphoria, Dildos, Enthusiastic Consent, First Time, Fluff and Humor, Fluff and Smut, Gender Dysphoria, Hand Jobs, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Platonic Soulmates, Porn with Feelings, Romantic Soulmates, Self-Esteem Issues, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Threesome - M/M/M, Trans Jared Kleinman, Vaginal Fingering, i feel like I should tag blow jobs again bc there’s a lot of that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 06:44:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,361
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19762723
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enjolras_lexa/pseuds/enjolras_lexa
Summary: The boys’ first time together, i.e. my attempt at writing smut. Set sometime after Strange Beings, but you don’t absolutely have to have read that to read this.(Title from Sick of Losing Soulmates by Dodie).





	I Can Finally See

**Author's Note:**

> So in case you didn’t read the tags, Jared is trans and Evan and Connor are cis (no PIV though).   
> As another note, you have no idea how many times cock autocorrected to coco (if I missed a typo please let me know!)

“Are you sure?”

The question had been asked so much that day, from each of them to each of them, checking and re-checking until they were all sick of hearing it but still had to ask.

“Yes.”

They had agreed on what they would and wouldn’t do earlier, set boundaries, all the good stuff. Connor was still nervous though, and he was the only one of the three of them who’d done it before. He couldn’t imagine what Jared and Evan must be feeling. Of course, he’d never done it with his soulmates, so there was that. There was always that with the three of them.

Obviously, the main question was who would be going inside of who, which Jared was quick to point out was easy in his case.

“I’m sort of a bottom by default?” he’d said with a shrug. They were squeezed together on Evan’s bed while his mother was working. “You two should sort that out though.”

“Actually,” Evan had piped up unexpectedly, “I- uh I sorta have......something? If you...wanted? I mean? Uh- it’s like- um. If you want to bottom sure but otherwise-”

“Spit it out!” Jared was beginning to get impatient.

Evan’s face flushed dark red. He opened the drawer in his bedside table with shaky hands, and pulled out a largish purple cylinder. For a moment neither of the others could work out what it was, until-

“You-” Connor gaped at him. “You’ve- to yourself-?”

Evan’s blush deepened even further. “Do you want it or not?” He offered the.....object......to Jared, who took it with some trepidation. It was a bit big.

“It’s clean, I always clean it,” Evan said hurriedly.

“Thanks?” Jared wasn’t sure what to say when someone offers you a dildo and politely asks if you would like to fuck him with it, but he was a little amused. “I’ll- that could be good. Yeah.”

“Good.” Evan buried his face in his hands.

The three of them were now on Evan’s bed again, eyeing the bedside table which now in addition to Evan’s dildo also concealed a box of condoms and a bottle of lube.

“So-?” Connor broke off.

Evan scooted around to face the other two, hesitated for a moment, then pulled Connor in for a kiss. He was still surprised every time that he was allowed to do this now, with both of them. It still seemed too good to be true, like somebody would come and take them away from him. Though from the way Connor was kissing him back it looked like he’d give them a fight if anyone tried. He pulled at Connor’s long dark hair until the taller boy let out a satisfied groan into his mouth.

Jared looked away awkwardly while his boyfriends were kissing. It was pretty hot, but it still embarrassed him a little. For all his jokes, he’d never done anything like this before.

Connor, and then Evan, had been his first kisses, let alone first anything else. But Connor broke the kiss with Evan after a moment and let Evan kiss Jared, so now Jared wasn’t thinking about much of anything. Evan tasted of Connor. Jared thought for a second about tasting other parts of Connor off of Evan’s tongue, and felt his face heat up.

Jared made some sort of noise he couldn’t identify as Evan kissed him and ran his fingers through his hair. It didn’t help that Evan was holding the hand with his three soul-marks on it, running his fingertips over and over and over until the sensitive skin tingled. He shifted closer so he could put himself in Evan’s lap, and Evan wrapped his arms around his waist. He felt a tap on his shoulder after a minute, and looked up to see Connor’s beautiful eyes before he was kissing him. Jared pulled back and put his arms up.

Connor looked at him quizzically. “Are you sure?”

Jared nodded. Connor swallowed heavily, then tugged up the hem of Jared’s shirt to expose his binder. Jared took that off himself.

“I’ll just sweat in it,” he explained. The other two boys didn’t seem sure if they were allowed to look or not. “It’s okay.”

Evan looked up at him. “We just...we don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Same here,” Jared reassured him with a peck. “You can touch my chest, just not too much. I don’t know. If something feels bad I’ll tell you.”

“Okay.”

Evan kissed him again, then took off his own shirt. He looked away self-consciously, then made to do the same to Connor. Connor squirmed away. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s just-” Connor’s mouth twisted. “You guys know about....the scars.”

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to.”

“I want to.” Connor reached for the hem of his long-sleeve, then hesitated. “Just- don’t look at them.” He pulled off the shirt and discarded it, revealing lines all down his arms that were only just beginning to heal. He made to cross his arms, then thought better of it and pulled Jared close instead.

Jared relished the feeling of their bare chests together, even with the differences, as they moved together. The sensation of Connor’s large hands running up and down his back was delicious and sent sparks of heat everywhere in his body.

They heard Evan moan, and stopped kissing for a moment to look at him. He was standing beside the bed, pressing his hand against himself as he watched them. His eyes glazed over when he realized they were looking at him. Connor shifted out from underneath Jared and pulled Evan closer by the waistband of his pants, then quickly unfastened them and pulled out Evan’s cock.

Evan moaned again when Connor began to stroke him slowly, then faster, then dipped his head down to tease the head with the tip of his tongue. Jared wet his lips as Connor sucked at the side of Evan’s cock before taking him into his mouth. The sight of Connor doing that to him-

Jared ground into his hand through his jeans, then shimmied down until his face was level with Connor’s hips. Before Connor could realize what he was doing, Jared had his pants down and was enthusiastically though inexpertly sucking him off. He licked at different areas experimentally, not really sure what he was doing, but noting Connor’s reactions. He sucked hard at the head and swirled his tongue over it almost at the same time.

Connor gave a surprised moan that vibrated around Evan’s cock and made Evan groan and clutch at his hair. He took his mouth off of him with an obscene pop, and looked down to see Jared with one hand down his pants and the other wrapped around the base of Connor’s cock as he licked and sucked the sensitive skin. He groaned again, louder, then went back to pleasing Evan and took him into his mouth as far as he could go.

Evan couldn’t tell what was better, watching Connor doing that to him or watching Jared do it to Connor. Thank whatever deity that might be listening that he didn’t have to choose. He moaned softly as Connor bobbed his head up and down almost in time to the way his hips moved in and out of Jared’s mouth. He touched Connor’s face, and the angel looked up at him with wide eyes. Evan let out a heavy sigh as he probed the bulge in Connor’s cheek; Connor guided his hand to the side of his mouth so he could feel himself slide between his lips.

Jared decided to take a break and came up to kiss Evan. They were both still really nervous. Jared cupped Evan’s jaw in both hands and stroked his face with his thumbs. His skin was soft.

Evan wrapped an arm around Jared’s body, feeling up and down his back and combing through his hair. He unbuttoned Jared’s jeans and went to touch him before he remembered and thought he should let Jared set the pace, but Jared discarded his jeans and boxers himself.

He squirmed self-consciously, trying to look at Evan and not at himself, but Evan was looking at him with a curiosity in his eyes he’d never seen before.

“Can I- can I touch you?”

“Just- in a minute?”

“Of course.” Evan hesitantly put his hands back in Jared’s hair, kissing him gently, then groaned as Jared deepened the kiss and bit his lower lip hard.

Connor came up off of Evan’s cock and just watched the two of them kissing for a moment. He gave himself a few strokes, then moved close again and rubbed his and Evan’s cocks together, sucking hard on Jared’s shoulder at the same time. Both boys groaned into the kiss.

Jared took Evan’s hand, guiding it to his upper thigh. Evan pulled back from the kiss to look at him.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes!” Jared said impatiently. He parted his legs slightly, feeling his heart race at the idea of someone looking at him, let alone touching.

Evan stroked his leg, then reached to cup his ass and squeeze a little. He ran his other hand up Jared’s smooth skin, pinching a nipple gently and making Jared sigh. By the time he finally reached between Jared’s legs, they were both trembling.

“Wow.” He felt the wetness that had begun to gather there, not really sure of what he was doing and just feeling him with his hand.

Jared guided him to his clit, moaning when Evan started drawing circles on it with his fingertip. Evan felt at Jared’s entrance, pausing to let him stop him if he didn’t want this, then cautiously pushing inside him with one finger. Jared held onto Evan and Connor’s shoulders as Evan slowly moved his finger inside him while he rubbed at his clit.

Connor came up just then and kissed Jared, Evan rearranging himself so he was touching Jared with his other hand and Connor with the hand he’d just used on Jared.

Jared watched the slickness spread over Connor’s cock and felt his mouth go dry. Connor kissed him again and fixed it.

“Can I taste you?” It was Connor asking.

Jared felt a little overwhelmed that these two boys he loved wanted to touch him so badly. “Okay.” He made to lie down on his back, but Connor pulled him up off the bed so he was standing up on the floor. He didn’t understand, until Connor knelt in front of him. And then it was like when Evan touched him times a million, moving under Connor’s unsure tongue as he learned how to please Jared. Jared clutched at Connor’s long hair.

Evan came down to kneel beside Connor, kissing his shoulder and nervously guiding his hand to where he wanted it. Connor got the message and rubbed at Evan’s entrance, stopping what he was doing to Jared just so he could grab the bottle of lube from the bedside table.

Jared watched Connor’s fingers disappear inside Evan. “Wow.” He chanced a look down and met Connor’s eyes as his tongue disappeared inside him. He moaned louder than he’d meant to, almost at the same time as Evan. “Connor I’m gonna come.”

Connor sucked hard around Jared, swirling small circles over his clit with his tongue and pushing two fingers inside him with his Evan-free hand.

Jared moaned again, feeling the double sensations of Connor’s fingers and his tongue, until he was coming hard around them. Connor moaned around him as he felt his walls spasm and squeeze his fingers. The taste of him was addictive.

Jared let himself fall down again and kissed Connor, laughing lightheadedly against his mouth. He pulled back and he watched Connor’s slicked fingers stretch Evan open. He took the dildo out of the bedside table and spread a condom over it so it would be ready. Connor and Evan saw him and got back up on the bed. Evan lay down on his back, pulling Jared down with him.

Jared took the bottle of lube uncertainly, squeezing out a small amount over his fingers. “Can I-“

“Please.” Evan’s voice sounded distorted with need.

Jared rubbed outside his hole like he’d seen Connor do, then pushed two fingers inside him where Connor had already stretched him open. Evan groaned, guiding Jared to the right place like Jared had done for him, moaning again when he brushed against his prostate.

Jared withdrew his fingers and slicked up the dildo with lube. “It’s too bad I can’t fuck you for real.” 

Evan’s face twisted. “You are fucking me for real,” he protested. “So hurry up with it already.”

Jared and Connor both laughed softly at that. Jared nervously rubbed the dildo against Evan’s entrance, then pushed inside, images of Evan doing this to himself flashing through his head. He slowly pushed in and out of him, then faster, imagining despite Evan’s words how it would feel to be able to feel Evan wrapped around him. “We need a harness.”

“That we can make happen,” Connor added, pressing a kiss into the side of Jared’s forehead. “Switch in a minute?”

“Sure.” Jared moved the dildo faster, fucking Evan harder and making him cry out. Connor stroked Evan’s oversensitive cock.

Jared pulled out of Evan and let Connor put first a condom and lube over himself before pushing into Evan. He couldn’t help but be a little jealous as they moaned in unison. “Can I-?” he started to ask Connor, gesturing vaguely with the dildo. “To you I mean?”

Connor moaned at the idea of being inside Evan while Jared was inside him. “Please.”

Jared changed the condom on the dildo to keep everything clean, and re-lubed his fingers as Connor shifted his and Evan’s positions to give him better access. Jared repeated what he’d done to Evan, feeling Connor shake underneath him, before finally pushing the dildo inside him. He watched Connor take it, and he’d never felt so powerful in his life.

Connor moaned as he pushed between Evan and Jared, stroking Evan’s cock hard and fast until he brought them both over the edge.

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhhhhhh it’s done!! It was complicated to write!! Let me know if it was ok!! 
> 
> Thanks for reading, 
> 
> -EL


End file.
